Sample Situation. Fight Over Toy Train

Your child is complaining that William Pennington is touching it, and he is the only one who is supposed to. Your child picks up a hammer. Mother steps in, takes hammer. ("You don't hit with things, ever.")

Mother: Wait a moment, now tell me-where is the train going?Is it going to San Francisco ?

Children are silent Fight stops. Mother has time to think fast

Mother: Is it going to San Francisco or Los Angeles?

Child: Los Angeles.

Mother: Well, if it is going to Los Angeles it has to go through a tunnel, and you don't have a tunnel, so one of you can build a tunnel out of blocks and the other one can run the train through it

Or she might suggest juice and crackers on the terrace, so they forget the train. Or a trip to the grocery store. And if she thinks her own child is overtired and ripe for a quarrel, she might read to them for a few moments, and then William Pennington can go home and come back after naps.

If you feel your child is not playing "creatively" enough of the time, but just wanders up and down the street aimlessly with the gang, a good nursery school may help. If a nursery school is not available, or is too expensive, many mothers have organized cooperative play groups, which have their good and bad sides.

Co-Operative Play Group

A co-operative play group is made up of three to six mothers with children of the same preschool age. It depends upon the child, but two and a half is almost always the earliest age that a child derives benefit Mixed ages, as three-year-olds in with four-and-a-half-year-olds, present special problems as the stages are so different On the other hand, it is more like a real family situation. It is nice to divide the sexes as evenly as possible. And what is most important is to find mothers who share your same ideas and enthusiasm and willingness to work.

If one mother is shocked and cannot hide her feelings that a three-year-old is not completely toilet trained, if one mother feels children should be severely disciplined if they ever hit, if another mother puts tidiness at the top of her list of virtues, the children will become confused from inconsistent handling. A bad nursery school or play group is worse than none at all.

You will have to get together for discussion, and you will have to set up the best physical environment that you can. If you are going to buy or build any equipment, one mother can have swings, one a jungle gym, and another a large sand pile, etc. If one yard is set up better than the others, you might always have the school there, three times a week, and relieve that mother from other duties. As few different places as possible is better for the children anyway.

Here are some suggestions which are useful for handling one child, as well as a large group of children:

1. Don't force your child to stay in a strange yard without you. Stay with him until he feels comfortable. Eventually he will notice that the other children get along without their mothers, and will let you go. When you do go, tell him you are going, and when you will return.

2. Don't shout directions to children into the air. Speak in a low, natural voice, directly to the child. Don't talk baby talk. Expect them to do what you want, but don't want too much.

3. Be on guard for fatigue symptoms, and act accordingly. Suggest a quieter activity, such as reading to them.

4. Provide enough equipment, and keep it in good repair. (See Outdoor Play Equipment.)

5. In giving directions, say, "It's time to wash your hands," rather than, "Do you want to wash your hands?" or, "Come wash your hands!"

6. Give a child time enough to finish his project before he must leave it, by warning him it is almost time for juice and crackers, so he had better get the truck into the garage, etc.

7. If Dickie has been on the swing for a long time, and Sally wants it, tell Sally you will help her ask Dickie for a turn, and carry through until you get the swing.

8. If a child is playing house and complains, "They won't let me play," suggest to the child that he knock on the playhouse door and tell them he has come to pay a visit

9. Don't ask them what they want to do, if there is no real choice.

10. Saying, "Feet belong on the floor," often works better than, "Do not walk on the table."

11. Give a child the help he needs, but no more than he needs.

12. If one child starts screaming (for joy), and is joined by eight more, pretend you are enjoying it, and then suggest that everyone be as quiet as they can, and just whisper. A very good book on organizing a playgroup: A Playgroup Handbook for Parents and Leaders by Lovisa C. Wagoner, published by Olympic College, Bremerton, Washington. Price: $1.50. This covers the health and economic side of such a project, and gives you many useful suggestions for guiding the children at play.

In many residential neighborhoods you must get the permission of your neighbors and the Planning Commission of your community in order to organize such a group.

We have known of some mothers who get together and hire an outside person to be the supervisor. But it has to be absolutely the right person. If you find such a person, however, the children may benefit from being guided by one adult, rather than many different ones.

Here are some other ideas we have received from parents who live in neighborhoods:

1. Organize a Halloween party or Easter Parade.

2. Get together and put up street signs that warn drivers to go slowly because children are playing.

3. Get together and block off part of a street for play.

4. Buy a vacant lot for playground equipment with a group of neighbors.

5. If you have a congenial neighbor with children the same age, have a gate that opens into the next yard, or take down the fence for a larger play area.

6. Organize a reading group, or Sunday School.

7. One neighborhood group even built a swimming pool, and hired a professional lifeguard to be on duty.

8. Take turns with your neighbors inviting children to lunch or taking them to a playground.

9. A Co-op Sitter Service. (See Sitters)

A neighborhood is an exciting place for a child. There is nothing more thrilling than digging in a vacant lot, having fences to climb, even feuds and romances.

Just as long as an imaginative and intelligent adult is in the background.

And when you complain that you are one of the few mothers who bother or care about what is going on-remember that being imaginative and intelligent is always work.